her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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