Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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