Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
