I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize