The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
