the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
