so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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