..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm jealous of your bromance
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
