She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
