We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
