I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
