i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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