I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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