Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
