I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
