Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i would punch a child for taco bell
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
