I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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