i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
