every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
