he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
