Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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