Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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