the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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