Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
