69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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