toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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