but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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