My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
