he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
