obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
