Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
