I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
