We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
3pm strippers are depressing
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
