My liver just broke up with me...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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