If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
