Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
