Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
