# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
