Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize