Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
