dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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