I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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