Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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