So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
