a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize