you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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