I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
