I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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