if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
