I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
