u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
