yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
