i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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