I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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