like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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