Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
