He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
