The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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