I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
