OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
