Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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