dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
