I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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