dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
