He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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