I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
