its not stalking. its research.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
