There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
