Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
