i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
