There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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